The road less travelled

Hi I had a ok day yesterday but I still don't have anyone to go to me gig in London with so I may have to go alone and maybe that is when I am at my best . I think that I may try to hard with people but I don't really care like Lisa-Maire told me some people are just born outsider . It has been a odd few weeks I feel really lost . I just want to roll up into a little ball with my music and I don't think that anyone would really miss me . I think that is the kind of job that I would like one where I could hind away and never to have or see a boss or people just care about looks fat this week . I think I sould feel a bit better soon I have just had lots of sugur even if that does meen a big come down in an hour . I don't think that I am going to be up to much this weekend maybe just I nice walk it really is life in the frst line

Where are your friends tonight ?

Hi I had a ok time ok College yesterday . I think it is just a bit sad that everyone seems to be in little groups now so it is hard to work with new people . I am still trying to work on my trip to London . I wish that I did not have to wait 9 days to go maybe I can try and just sleep till then . I had a lovely dinner with my girlfriend yesterday we had valentimes day yesterday because she was home and it was very nice . I am feel a lot better and hope that my cold will be gone very soon I feel like I have been sick for weeks . Things have been a bit funny with my mum and dad lately I wish that I could be myself with them I feel like I am always on eage with them it is hard never puting a foot out of place . I guess we will never see life the same way or want the same things out of it . In happy new the Riches is coming out on dvd soon I really love that show it really is a wonderful lie . I hope everyone has a nice Valentimes day and if you are not with anyone remember this is just a day made to make money selling cards . " I don't have any idea what happens next . Neither do you "

The hard times

Hi I am feeling ok today there are a few things that I want to do . It is college tomorrow that should be ok even if I feel like the people there don't really understand me and it is not so much fun any more . I have been thinking a lot about identity and what is it that make us what we are ? I wake up all the time and ask myself how did I get here is this really it ? I always think that I want to be with people but I seem to be at my best when I am on my own . I really time time on my own time to think time to play my music . I am awful if I don't get to have my music on I get in a really bad mood and feel like I am trying to get out of my own skin . I guess music is how I clear my head and deal with life . I would like to know how many other people feel like me . I hope not to many it is like the Bright Eyes song Lua says " It's not something I would recommend but it is one way to live because what is simple in the moonlight by the morning never is " . Everyone should go to the Be kind rewind website I am always very happy when I go there . The movie I would remake would be The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy with me as Arthur Dent and Lisa-Marie has said that she would be Trillian . I think she was born to play that part. If anyone here wants to play Marvin or Ford Prefect get your preson to ring my preson .

Losing streak

Hi I had a good weekend I want to see a movie yesterday . I saw Definitely, Maybe and I liked it and I think that marijore did to . The movie does just what it says it will and there is some good music in it to . I really want to see Be Kind Rewind the new one by Michel Gondry who I just love . I hope am hoping to the movie when I go to London for the Stephanie Dosen gig so that could be a very good day . The movie looks really funny and I like Jack Black to I just need someone to go with . I am still reading things the granchidren should know there is a great bit in it about the late great Elliott Smith " He was a super sweet and quiet guy who didn' appear to have any armour to protect himself " . I can see so much of myself in the book it is like it was write just for me and I think it may have saved my life and if not made it a lot batter . I now feel like it is ok to be myself whatever that maybe . I think if they ever write a book about me it would go " He did not do much but what he did he did with heart and love " . I hope that it is just as sunny where ever you are dear reader

Open hearts

Hi I love my new book more then anything I can not put it down and I could read it for the rest of time . I gave Estelle a call yesterday with was nice and she seemed well . She has get a very soft voies and a kind heart even if I never know what to say when I am talkimg to her . That really takes me back to me school days when I was just the same . Estelle really makes me think of Sam from the moives Garden State I remember spenting about two years looking for someone just like that .Someone that makes the world seem just a bit better and that you can get lost in time with . I am not sure that I will ever find that . I think the people that fall in love with you in time fall out of love with you and grow up heat what they loved in you when you meet . The rugby should be good today I have been a fun of that for years . I how human the sport is with all the singing and the blood and everone giving the all to win . My money is on Wales today sorry about Lisa-Maire but you never know I have been wrong before and I am sure that I will be many more times . I wanted to put down this line from a song I love " Even the best fall down sometimes " . I like lines that give you hope becasue without hope what is there ?

Destiny calling

Hi . I was had a good day yesterday that turned into a bit of a mess and my girlfriend being mad at me for getting myself a book I know why mad thing will I do next . I did see Estelle who I have not seen for a far bit and I am not sure what she is up to I should give her a call I miss seeing her around . I do love my now book things the grandchildren shound know it is by Mark Oliver Everett he is from the band Eels . The book is really interesting and it made me think " We're all crazy , really . Some of us just find different ways to deal with it " . I think that is really all I do deal with my mad famliy deal with the feeling of hopelessnesses that I have much of the time . I have never really worryed about what was going to happen just staying on my feet is a good days work for me . I may put a dvd on today but I am not sure what one maybe Big fish . I love the end of that movie it always makes me happy " There are some fish that cannot be caught. It's not that they're faster or stronger than other fish. They're just touched by something extra " . I would like to know what my mum and dad are thinking about me sometimes " There he goes doing nothing all day what a let down " but really I never want to be anything so how can I let anyone down ?

We are nowhere and it's now

Hi . I have had a ok few days I am still very sleepy and upset and feel a bit lost . I could be getting a new job today I am going to find out about that today . College was ok this week even if I am getting a bit fed up with some of the people there . Helping people is not all I thought it would be a lot of people just seem to care about themselfs and not about doing what is best for others . I wish that I could keep me mind on one thing lately . I do love so many song I have just been playing walk away by cost that song always movies me . I do wish everyday is was not just like this as Morrissey said " Everyday is like Sunday " . I think that I may make a mix cd today with my on the go . There is just so much to do who know doing nothing was so hard ?

Soul singer in a session band

Hi I am having a ok day today I feel a bit better then I have been but not a lot . I think I will do my homework for college next work when I feel a bit better . I am not sure what I will do tomorrow . I would like to take a trip it would be great to see Brighton again . I want there lots a few years ago and I miss it . Everyone seems really busy lately are we all really to busy to be with the people we are about does money really matter that much ? Are we really no more then what we do ? " The world is moving so fast now that we start freaking long before our parents did because we don't ever stop to breathe anymore" . All I really need is to be happy to be alive and I am . I think one of the trues things I have every read said " If you are happy inself you are happy with the world " .

Love made visible

Hi I have had a nice day today one of my college friend come over and we did some work and get a bit of food . It was really nice to have someone over it does not happen a lot . I hope that I will get to do it again . I would really like to talk to one of my friends tonight I feel a bit lonely and upset and I am not saw why . I did good a long walk today with was nice and it gave me a bit of today to think and to talk to my mum . I try not to do that to much because it always makes me feel down . I think that is what a mums job is . It is funny for the last two years I have been seeing the same women everywhere bus stops train stations on the way to college and I saw her today getting off the train at Staplehurst and she gave me that little smile she always does that warms the heart . I think it is funny how you can feel like your know someone without really knowing them . Maybe that is the best way to be and when you get to really know someone that is when things go wrong . If you never want anything you never get let down " I think that's a super philosophy, Will, that way you can go through your entire life without ever having to really know anybody... " . I hope that I feel less sleepy and run down soon I feel teary . I am happy that there is just two days till college even if there are still a few things I need to do for it but I am sure that I will get the done I always do well just about . That is the stroy of my life

Turn on the bright light

Hi I am still not feeling very well and that is makeing me very sleepy . I have been a bit upset that no one really seems to care I gave one of my college friend a ring to say that I was ill she was not there so I asked if she would ring me back and she never did . I am a bit fed up with giveing everything and getting nothing back but then that makes me feel bad because I know you should not give just to get something back . All I want is to see a little signe that they care just a little bit and that they are happy that you are there . Maybe I just try to hard with people and I should just care less about being friends . I am happy that I am going to London soon I have not been there for so long . I think that I will make a day of it and see as much of it as I can do . I think in London you see people at there best and wost . I have some of my best time there and seen some of the prttiest things like when I want to Trafalgar Square it was a lovely sunny day and I could a lovely wather fall all of the wather was skarking in the sun it was a day that made you happy to be alive . Todays picture is of Susan Buice in London I love this picture . There is no where like the London undergound even if I did not like it even I was a little boy I guess it all seemed very big to me back then . I remember seeing the big black sky there when I was little and thinking it was the end of the world and being so happy when I get home and I was safe again .