The road less travelled

Hi I had a ok day yesterday but I still don't have anyone to go to me gig in London with so I may have to go alone and maybe that is when I am at my best . I think that I may try to hard with people but I don't really care like Lisa-Maire told me some people are just born outsider . It has been a odd few weeks I feel really lost . I just want to roll up into a little ball with my music and I don't think that anyone would really miss me . I think that is the kind of job that I would like one where I could hind away and never to have or see a boss or people just care about looks fat this week . I think I sould feel a bit better soon I have just had lots of sugur even if that does meen a big come down in an hour . I don't think that I am going to be up to much this weekend maybe just I nice walk it really is life in the frst line

Where are your friends tonight ?

Hi I had a ok time ok College yesterday . I think it is just a bit sad that everyone seems to be in little groups now so it is hard to work with new people . I am still trying to work on my trip to London . I wish that I did not have to wait 9 days to go maybe I can try and just sleep till then . I had a lovely dinner with my girlfriend yesterday we had valentimes day yesterday because she was home and it was very nice . I am feel a lot better and hope that my cold will be gone very soon I feel like I have been sick for weeks . Things have been a bit funny with my mum and dad lately I wish that I could be myself with them I feel like I am always on eage with them it is hard never puting a foot out of place . I guess we will never see life the same way or want the same things out of it . In happy new the Riches is coming out on dvd soon I really love that show it really is a wonderful lie . I hope everyone has a nice Valentimes day and if you are not with anyone remember this is just a day made to make money selling cards . " I don't have any idea what happens next . Neither do you "

The hard times

Hi I am feeling ok today there are a few things that I want to do . It is college tomorrow that should be ok even if I feel like the people there don't really understand me and it is not so much fun any more . I have been thinking a lot about identity and what is it that make us what we are ? I wake up all the time and ask myself how did I get here is this really it ? I always think that I want to be with people but I seem to be at my best when I am on my own . I really time time on my own time to think time to play my music . I am awful if I don't get to have my music on I get in a really bad mood and feel like I am trying to get out of my own skin . I guess music is how I clear my head and deal with life . I would like to know how many other people feel like me . I hope not to many it is like the Bright Eyes song Lua says " It's not something I would recommend but it is one way to live because what is simple in the moonlight by the morning never is " . Everyone should go to the Be kind rewind website I am always very happy when I go there . The movie I would remake would be The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy with me as Arthur Dent and Lisa-Marie has said that she would be Trillian . I think she was born to play that part. If anyone here wants to play Marvin or Ford Prefect get your preson to ring my preson .

Losing streak

Hi I had a good weekend I want to see a movie yesterday . I saw Definitely, Maybe and I liked it and I think that marijore did to . The movie does just what it says it will and there is some good music in it to . I really want to see Be Kind Rewind the new one by Michel Gondry who I just love . I hope am hoping to the movie when I go to London for the Stephanie Dosen gig so that could be a very good day . The movie looks really funny and I like Jack Black to I just need someone to go with . I am still reading things the granchidren should know there is a great bit in it about the late great Elliott Smith " He was a super sweet and quiet guy who didn' appear to have any armour to protect himself " . I can see so much of myself in the book it is like it was write just for me and I think it may have saved my life and if not made it a lot batter . I now feel like it is ok to be myself whatever that maybe . I think if they ever write a book about me it would go " He did not do much but what he did he did with heart and love " . I hope that it is just as sunny where ever you are dear reader

Open hearts

Hi I love my new book more then anything I can not put it down and I could read it for the rest of time . I gave Estelle a call yesterday with was nice and she seemed well . She has get a very soft voies and a kind heart even if I never know what to say when I am talkimg to her . That really takes me back to me school days when I was just the same . Estelle really makes me think of Sam from the moives Garden State I remember spenting about two years looking for someone just like that .Someone that makes the world seem just a bit better and that you can get lost in time with . I am not sure that I will ever find that . I think the people that fall in love with you in time fall out of love with you and grow up heat what they loved in you when you meet . The rugby should be good today I have been a fun of that for years . I how human the sport is with all the singing and the blood and everone giving the all to win . My money is on Wales today sorry about Lisa-Maire but you never know I have been wrong before and I am sure that I will be many more times . I wanted to put down this line from a song I love " Even the best fall down sometimes " . I like lines that give you hope becasue without hope what is there ?

Destiny calling

Hi . I was had a good day yesterday that turned into a bit of a mess and my girlfriend being mad at me for getting myself a book I know why mad thing will I do next . I did see Estelle who I have not seen for a far bit and I am not sure what she is up to I should give her a call I miss seeing her around . I do love my now book things the grandchildren shound know it is by Mark Oliver Everett he is from the band Eels . The book is really interesting and it made me think " We're all crazy , really . Some of us just find different ways to deal with it " . I think that is really all I do deal with my mad famliy deal with the feeling of hopelessnesses that I have much of the time . I have never really worryed about what was going to happen just staying on my feet is a good days work for me . I may put a dvd on today but I am not sure what one maybe Big fish . I love the end of that movie it always makes me happy " There are some fish that cannot be caught. It's not that they're faster or stronger than other fish. They're just touched by something extra " . I would like to know what my mum and dad are thinking about me sometimes " There he goes doing nothing all day what a let down " but really I never want to be anything so how can I let anyone down ?

We are nowhere and it's now

Hi . I have had a ok few days I am still very sleepy and upset and feel a bit lost . I could be getting a new job today I am going to find out about that today . College was ok this week even if I am getting a bit fed up with some of the people there . Helping people is not all I thought it would be a lot of people just seem to care about themselfs and not about doing what is best for others . I wish that I could keep me mind on one thing lately . I do love so many song I have just been playing walk away by cost that song always movies me . I do wish everyday is was not just like this as Morrissey said " Everyday is like Sunday " . I think that I may make a mix cd today with my on the go . There is just so much to do who know doing nothing was so hard ?

Soul singer in a session band

Hi I am having a ok day today I feel a bit better then I have been but not a lot . I think I will do my homework for college next work when I feel a bit better . I am not sure what I will do tomorrow . I would like to take a trip it would be great to see Brighton again . I want there lots a few years ago and I miss it . Everyone seems really busy lately are we all really to busy to be with the people we are about does money really matter that much ? Are we really no more then what we do ? " The world is moving so fast now that we start freaking long before our parents did because we don't ever stop to breathe anymore" . All I really need is to be happy to be alive and I am . I think one of the trues things I have every read said " If you are happy inself you are happy with the world " .

Love made visible

Hi I have had a nice day today one of my college friend come over and we did some work and get a bit of food . It was really nice to have someone over it does not happen a lot . I hope that I will get to do it again . I would really like to talk to one of my friends tonight I feel a bit lonely and upset and I am not saw why . I did good a long walk today with was nice and it gave me a bit of today to think and to talk to my mum . I try not to do that to much because it always makes me feel down . I think that is what a mums job is . It is funny for the last two years I have been seeing the same women everywhere bus stops train stations on the way to college and I saw her today getting off the train at Staplehurst and she gave me that little smile she always does that warms the heart . I think it is funny how you can feel like your know someone without really knowing them . Maybe that is the best way to be and when you get to really know someone that is when things go wrong . If you never want anything you never get let down " I think that's a super philosophy, Will, that way you can go through your entire life without ever having to really know anybody... " . I hope that I feel less sleepy and run down soon I feel teary . I am happy that there is just two days till college even if there are still a few things I need to do for it but I am sure that I will get the done I always do well just about . That is the stroy of my life

Turn on the bright light

Hi I am still not feeling very well and that is makeing me very sleepy . I have been a bit upset that no one really seems to care I gave one of my college friend a ring to say that I was ill she was not there so I asked if she would ring me back and she never did . I am a bit fed up with giveing everything and getting nothing back but then that makes me feel bad because I know you should not give just to get something back . All I want is to see a little signe that they care just a little bit and that they are happy that you are there . Maybe I just try to hard with people and I should just care less about being friends . I am happy that I am going to London soon I have not been there for so long . I think that I will make a day of it and see as much of it as I can do . I think in London you see people at there best and wost . I have some of my best time there and seen some of the prttiest things like when I want to Trafalgar Square it was a lovely sunny day and I could a lovely wather fall all of the wather was skarking in the sun it was a day that made you happy to be alive . Todays picture is of Susan Buice in London I love this picture . There is no where like the London undergound even if I did not like it even I was a little boy I guess it all seemed very big to me back then . I remember seeing the big black sky there when I was little and thinking it was the end of the world and being so happy when I get home and I was safe again .

Pictures

Hi so I am not very well I have get the Mumps with is not very nice and I am sleepy all the time and I am getting upset a lot over very little things . But it should be better in about a week or so . I really hope that it will be . There then that I am doing ok college was really good and very interesting we get to see a video from the 1950s of a women in counselling it has change a lot less then I thought it would have . It was still just to people talking trying to find out what was ture for this women . I did make me think a lot about myself and why I look to others so much . Sometimes I feel like I can not think for myself . I think that I am tranfering my feeling on the other people trying to make them everything that I want to be and when they trun out not to be I fall apart . I don't know what I am going to be up to in the next few days I guess not very much

A Heightened Life

Hi happy tuesday I am today I think it will be a movie day right now I have get on All the real girls I love that movie it stars Zooey Dechanel . I think it is her best movie even if I do really want to see Winter passing and she has get a album coming out this year with M Ward with sounds really good . I hope that Lisa-Marie is feeling better today . I don't know what I would do without my sleep . I am a mess at the best of times without that

. I think that I may put on closer later there is some really good music on that show my favorite song is Cold Water by Damien Rice " Cold, cold water surrounds me now and all I've got is your hand Lord, can you hear me now ? Lord, can you hear me now ?Lord, can you hear me now ? Or am I lost ? " . I have find an artist that I really like her name is Lucy Stevens she has done like of kinds of art . My favorite bit of her work is on fear and how the audience reaction . I would like to find out more about fear to and why it plays such a big roll in are life fear of not being liked fear of getting older fear of feeling lost and without hope fear of not having dreams " Without dreams you can't fucking live" . I really hope that I can get hold of a few people today everyone seems to be busy lately it will be nice to see them all tomorrow and to do some fun things .

Tension & thrill

Hi . I could not sleep lastnight I was thinking about college and the work that I have get to do for it . I can not wait to make a start on it . I love having something to put my mind to something to put all of myself intoit is a great feeling to have a goal to work to . I feel like I could write all the time there is so much going on in my mind . I wish that I had a few more people to talk to sometimes . I have been waching the Office a lot lately the American one . I love Jim and Pam they are as sweet and as well played as you can get . I am happy that they get togeter in the end . Here is a very funny line from the show " This is our receptionist, Pam. If you think she's cute now, you should have seen her a couple years ago " . My picture today is of Susan Buice from Four Eyed Monster . She is an artists and a life bloger and she has made a really good movie . I think there is a sadness and a longing to her art it has get a very human feel to it and it is very honest . I hope there will be lots more art to come from her . I feel really good about life there is so much going on and I want to live and feel all of it . " Some of us just can't live the kind of life that other people want us to live. No matter how hard you try, you just can't do it" .

Flicks

Hi happy Sunday . I had nice evening yesterday Forrest Gump was on the tv . I have loved that movie for a really long time it is a great look at life and what finding someone to love can give you people just do not work alone maybe we where made that way . I like moves that make you think I as saw My life without me on dvd yesterday I love this line fron it " You don't know who or what you're praying to, but you pray. You don't even regret the life that you're not gonna have, because by then you'll be dead. And the dead don't feel anything. Not even regret " . That is a really good move and Sarah Polley is great in it . I could see that movie time after time . Sometimes I think it could be nice to live without tv and all that crap like that . I would love to just take myself out of the westen world there much be a great freedom to it . Well that is why never put the radio on it was on in a shop that I want in the other day and I had to work out . It really did make me feel bad to hear it . I wish that music was in the hands of people who care about it and do not just want to make money or just want to make themselfs look cool . It is like Jeff Buckly said " but You don't really care for music do your " . I am so that that more people do not care about it like me that is one of my great's sadness in life . I really think I should try to talk to someone about why I feel like that .

Just for now

I had a very nice yesterday I get to meet a lovely artist in a new art shop in Tunbridge wells yesterday she was really nice and a big fan of Michel Gondry so I now that we would hit it off . We talk for about 20 mims with was really nice and I hope that I will get to see her again . I find a really good singer the other day called Holly Golightly she has been arond for I long time but I have just find out about her . I don't know how I missed her . I love todays picture it is of my favorite band in the world The Research who are Russell , Sarah and Georgia . They have get an album out called Breaking up and they should have a new one out this year that I know will be great . They are all really nice to and I miss seeing them live . I am not sure what I am going to be doing to maybe have the fa cup on the tv or maybe go for a walk or something like that . I hope that my cold gets better soon I am getting a bit fed up with it . I feel sleepy all the time and my legs really hurt . I think that I should try to eat better . I just pick at food all day and eat lots of little bit that do not really fill me up .

Whipsper what you fear

Hi . I am off to Tunbridge Wells today I like it a lot there a lot it is a very nice town . I have been thinking about the human conditon I love finding out about it and how we all live with it . What I get the worse is fear sometimes it is over powering and all you want to do is find somewhere hind . This line always makes me feel better " People are just people they shouldn't make you you nervous" . I really wish that they did not I don't know why I give some of them so much power over me . " We hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights that among these are Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness" . I feel like I am no the pursuit of happiness but I that I have been all my life maybe we all are looking for that . I would like to know if anyone ever really finds it or if the grass is always greener on the other side ? Today picture is of Joanna Newson I would love to see her live more then anything . I am sure that she is not from this time or world . Here is good a good weekend and a life time of worrying

I'm happy sad

Hi it has been a funny few days very happy and down . I think that it could be my cold trying to hold on . I was feeling so good yesterday then I was feeling very bad and it did not want to let go but I do feel better today . I get on really well at college even if someone is being a bit funny with me lately I hope that I have not upset them . I should talk to talk to a few more people on the phone I have not talked to some of them for a really long time and I miss some of them . I wish I did not have to change my mood so must I do this with food , music or anything that makes the world seem a little bit better . I think the best thing I could do would be to know that they are only feeling and they will past as U2 said " And if the night runs over and if the day won't last and if your should falter along the stony pass it's just a moment this time will pass . I think you should always try to keep that in mind . No matter how bad today is there is always tomorrow . Things are going very well with my girlfriend I don't know what I would do without her . She is always there for me when I need someone to hold and for that I will always love her and try to do my best for her . I want to tell her that she meens the world to me and that she always will do anything for her she is my bestfriend to and really do know how lucky I am to have that " What the world needs now is love sweet love that the only there is just to little of " . Todays picture is of Lisa Hannigan who has get an album coming out this year and I can not wait for it

Born in the 80s

I had a good day yesterday and today is one of my favorite day of the week . I have get some college work to do today . I think everyday I am going to put up a picture of one of my favorite things - people today is the lovely music loving Lisa-Marie . I will never forget the day I talked to her on the phone I was so worryed about talking to her that I was almost sick . It was like talking to my favorite singer - artists . I was so worryed about this phone call that I made a nice list of things to talk about " Tv " " Music " " How is the famliy " . I know I am a really dork . In the end I did need the list and she was really nice . I think it is nice to let people know that you are thinking about them and that you care . I hope there will always be a Lisa-Marie in the world as Starsailor said " As I turn to you and I say thank goodness for the good souls that make life better As I turn to you and I say If it wasn't for the good souls Life would not matter " . I am happy with life with where I am and with who I am well that is today any way .

Some people have REAL problems

Hi it was a good weekend . I want out for a nice dinner with my famliy and then did a bit of shoping . It was nice to go out with everyone we don't get to do that much . I am not sure what I am going to be doing this week . Me and my girlfriend are hoping to go to Manchester this year where we are hoping to see some of the work of Gunther Von Hagens his work is really interesting it is all about the human boby . I really hope we get to go I have not been away for a really long time . I have get a new tv show that I really like La lnk it is a about tattoos and it stars Kat Von D and it is really good I have been been into anything like that before I saw that show but I really like them now and I may even get one some day but I know that I would pass out . I have really wanted to go to London for the pass few days . I can not wait till the 21 of fed when I do get to go I just love it there . There is no where like it and I wish that I could go there more . The picture I have up today is of Sophie from the band Sol Seppy there album is called the bells of 1 2 and it is so good . It get you to look at everyone as being human and not someone to get to get one over or just like for the diffevences " all people really want is to be loved "

Born of frustration

Hi I hope you all like my now grow up blog . Where I am sure I will still go on about things that no one elses cares about or say how bad everything is well I guess you are what you are . I have been thinking about Annie Hardy from Giant Drag a lot lately I love her so much . I love her for having the guts to be herself and not editoring herself . She really does give me hope and makes me feel light . I have been listing to her on her radio show and she is so funny . Annie has send me some messages before and they are always really nices and careing . I think it much be hard for people in music to know that they have so many people who care about them and think about them . To have to be friends with people without really knowing them . I think that you can know so must about a person from there music or there art . That is what good music should do talk to you tell you that things may be crap but there is someone there for you . Here is my favorite line from Almost famous " I always tell the girls, never take it seriously, if ya never take it seriosuly, ya never get hurt, ya never get hurt, ya always have fun, and if you ever get lonely, just go to the record store and visit your friends " . Ow and I am not to sure about the new newcastle manager but I guess that time will tell . I give him two years max before he walks