The road less travelled

Hi I had a ok day yesterday but I still don't have anyone to go to me gig in London with so I may have to go alone and maybe that is when I am at my best . I think that I may try to hard with people but I don't really care like Lisa-Maire told me some people are just born outsider . It has been a odd few weeks I feel really lost . I just want to roll up into a little ball with my music and I don't think that anyone would really miss me . I think that is the kind of job that I would like one where I could hind away and never to have or see a boss or people just care about looks fat this week . I think I sould feel a bit better soon I have just had lots of sugur even if that does meen a big come down in an hour . I don't think that I am going to be up to much this weekend maybe just I nice walk it really is life in the frst line

Where are your friends tonight ?

Hi I had a ok time ok College yesterday . I think it is just a bit sad that everyone seems to be in little groups now so it is hard to work with new people . I am still trying to work on my trip to London . I wish that I did not have to wait 9 days to go maybe I can try and just sleep till then . I had a lovely dinner with my girlfriend yesterday we had valentimes day yesterday because she was home and it was very nice . I am feel a lot better and hope that my cold will be gone very soon I feel like I have been sick for weeks . Things have been a bit funny with my mum and dad lately I wish that I could be myself with them I feel like I am always on eage with them it is hard never puting a foot out of place . I guess we will never see life the same way or want the same things out of it . In happy new the Riches is coming out on dvd soon I really love that show it really is a wonderful lie . I hope everyone has a nice Valentimes day and if you are not with anyone remember this is just a day made to make money selling cards . " I don't have any idea what happens next . Neither do you "

The hard times

Hi I am feeling ok today there are a few things that I want to do . It is college tomorrow that should be ok even if I feel like the people there don't really understand me and it is not so much fun any more . I have been thinking a lot about identity and what is it that make us what we are ? I wake up all the time and ask myself how did I get here is this really it ? I always think that I want to be with people but I seem to be at my best when I am on my own . I really time time on my own time to think time to play my music . I am awful if I don't get to have my music on I get in a really bad mood and feel like I am trying to get out of my own skin . I guess music is how I clear my head and deal with life . I would like to know how many other people feel like me . I hope not to many it is like the Bright Eyes song Lua says " It's not something I would recommend but it is one way to live because what is simple in the moonlight by the morning never is " . Everyone should go to the Be kind rewind website I am always very happy when I go there . The movie I would remake would be The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy with me as Arthur Dent and Lisa-Marie has said that she would be Trillian . I think she was born to play that part. If anyone here wants to play Marvin or Ford Prefect get your preson to ring my preson .

Losing streak

Hi I had a good weekend I want to see a movie yesterday . I saw Definitely, Maybe and I liked it and I think that marijore did to . The movie does just what it says it will and there is some good music in it to . I really want to see Be Kind Rewind the new one by Michel Gondry who I just love . I hope am hoping to the movie when I go to London for the Stephanie Dosen gig so that could be a very good day . The movie looks really funny and I like Jack Black to I just need someone to go with . I am still reading things the granchidren should know there is a great bit in it about the late great Elliott Smith " He was a super sweet and quiet guy who didn' appear to have any armour to protect himself " . I can see so much of myself in the book it is like it was write just for me and I think it may have saved my life and if not made it a lot batter . I now feel like it is ok to be myself whatever that maybe . I think if they ever write a book about me it would go " He did not do much but what he did he did with heart and love " . I hope that it is just as sunny where ever you are dear reader

Open hearts

Hi I love my new book more then anything I can not put it down and I could read it for the rest of time . I gave Estelle a call yesterday with was nice and she seemed well . She has get a very soft voies and a kind heart even if I never know what to say when I am talkimg to her . That really takes me back to me school days when I was just the same . Estelle really makes me think of Sam from the moives Garden State I remember spenting about two years looking for someone just like that .Someone that makes the world seem just a bit better and that you can get lost in time with . I am not sure that I will ever find that . I think the people that fall in love with you in time fall out of love with you and grow up heat what they loved in you when you meet . The rugby should be good today I have been a fun of that for years . I how human the sport is with all the singing and the blood and everone giving the all to win . My money is on Wales today sorry about Lisa-Maire but you never know I have been wrong before and I am sure that I will be many more times . I wanted to put down this line from a song I love " Even the best fall down sometimes " . I like lines that give you hope becasue without hope what is there ?

Destiny calling

Hi . I was had a good day yesterday that turned into a bit of a mess and my girlfriend being mad at me for getting myself a book I know why mad thing will I do next . I did see Estelle who I have not seen for a far bit and I am not sure what she is up to I should give her a call I miss seeing her around . I do love my now book things the grandchildren shound know it is by Mark Oliver Everett he is from the band Eels . The book is really interesting and it made me think " We're all crazy , really . Some of us just find different ways to deal with it " . I think that is really all I do deal with my mad famliy deal with the feeling of hopelessnesses that I have much of the time . I have never really worryed about what was going to happen just staying on my feet is a good days work for me . I may put a dvd on today but I am not sure what one maybe Big fish . I love the end of that movie it always makes me happy " There are some fish that cannot be caught. It's not that they're faster or stronger than other fish. They're just touched by something extra " . I would like to know what my mum and dad are thinking about me sometimes " There he goes doing nothing all day what a let down " but really I never want to be anything so how can I let anyone down ?

We are nowhere and it's now

Hi . I have had a ok few days I am still very sleepy and upset and feel a bit lost . I could be getting a new job today I am going to find out about that today . College was ok this week even if I am getting a bit fed up with some of the people there . Helping people is not all I thought it would be a lot of people just seem to care about themselfs and not about doing what is best for others . I wish that I could keep me mind on one thing lately . I do love so many song I have just been playing walk away by cost that song always movies me . I do wish everyday is was not just like this as Morrissey said " Everyday is like Sunday " . I think that I may make a mix cd today with my on the go . There is just so much to do who know doing nothing was so hard ?